Listen Up Guys: Ways To Help The Woman In Your Life When They’re Experiencing Perimenopause

December 4, 2023

Dimple Sthankiya

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 I am on a mission to Revolutionize the Midlife Experience of Women, Everywhere.

I'm an Entrepreneur, a highly sought-after Coach and Wellness Expert. My favourite role in life is being a thriving Solo Mum to my wonderful son and like you, I am navigating Midlife and Perimenopause.

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Hi, I'm dimple

This post is for the men in your life who want to understand what women go through on their journey to menopause and how they can support you. Ladies you may want to share this post with the key men in your life!! It’s a win for everyone.

Alright gents, buckle up and prepare for a wild ride – we’re diving head-first into the unruly ocean of perimenopause! Now, don’t get spooked. This isn’t the latest horror movie. It’s just one of those ‘life things,’ like taxes and trying to work out the remote control for a new TV. Today, I’m talking about how you, as men, can best support the women you cherish during this, let’s call it, ‘turbulent’ phase of life.

The Perimenopause Puzzle

First things first: perimenopause. This is the time leading up to menopause when a woman’s body decides to play hormonal roulette. It could last a few months, it could stretch on for years, but it’s usually a fixture from her mid-40s onwards. Why should you care? Well, because it’s real and it’s happening to the woman you love, that’s why!

The Mood Swing Merry-Go-Round

A starring feature of perimenopause is the mood swing merry-go-round. Hormonal shifts can result in emotional ebbs and flows, like riding a roller coaster blindfolded, backwards. Don’t just stand there, wide-eyed, as your loved one morphs from ‘sunny and smiling’ to ‘stormy and sobbing’ in 60 seconds flat. Be the steady rock in the shifting sands, the steady hand on the turbulent seas. And remember, you don’t need to be Bob the Builder and fix everything – sometimes just being there is enough.


The Power of Yakking

Alright, let’s face it, you blokes aren’t exactly famous for being chatterboxes when it comes to feelings. But when it comes to supporting your women through perimenopause, nattering is necessary. Yes, I said it. So practice your ‘sharing and caring’ voice, and get stuck into some deep and meaningful conversations. Remember, it’s okay to open up about your own feelings too. We’re all human here.

Oli & Valeria: The Magic of Meal Prep

Let’s consider Oli. When his wife, Valeria, hit perimenopause, Oli realized he had to step up. As Valeria wrestled with hot flashes and bouts of fatigue, Oli became a meal prep magician. He dusted off his apron and got to work, whipping up nutritious meals that saved Val time and energy. Sure, his first few attempts looked more like abstract art than food, but practice makes perfect. The result? Oli discovered a love for cooking, and Valeria felt supported and loved in a tangible, belly-filling way.

Keeping Your Batteries Charged

Being there for your loved ones is vital, but don’t forget about numero uno – yourself. It’s easy to run yourself ragged while trying to be Mr. Perfect Supportive Partner. So, remember to recharge your own batteries. Take some ‘me time’, hit the gym, or lose yourself in a hobby. An energized you is a supportive you.

Steve & Jen: The Power Of Professional Help

Then we have Steve. Steve’s girlfriend, Jen, was going through a rough patch during her perimenopause. Steve, ever the well-meaning but slightly clueless partner, tried his best to be supportive, but it just wasn’t cutting it. Recognizing they were out of their depth, Steve encouraged Jen to seek professional help. The result? Jen got the expert support she needed, and Steve learned that he didn’t have to have all the answers, just the courage to seek them.

Jack & His Sister, Susie:  Listening Is Your New Superpower 

Next up, we’ve got Jack. When his sister, Susie, started dealing with perimenopause, he found himself in unfamiliar territory. Susie was having a tough time with mood swings and anxiety, and Jack, always the problem-solver, felt powerless. Until he realized he had a superpower. Listening. Jack became a sounding board, letting Susie vent, cry, and express her fears without judgment. In doing so, he navigated the listening labyrinth with aplomb, offering comfort in the form of understanding.

Fred & His Mom, Alice: The Art Of Adaptability

Now, meet Fred, a single dad to a five year old daughter and a devoted son to his perimenopausal mother, Alice. When Alice started experiencing hot flashes and insomnia, Fred had to get creative. With a little internet detective work, he found ways to make Alice more comfortable, like adjusting the thermostat, keeping cold water on hand, and even investing in some high-tech ‘cooling’ bedding. Fred’s efforts didn’t stop the symptoms, but they made Alice’s journey a touch more bearable. Fred’s story shows us that sometimes, it’s about being adaptable and making the best out of a tough situation.

Tom & Martha: The Power Of Patience

Now let’s talk about Tom. Tom’s wife, Martha, was always the rock of their family. When perimenopause came knocking, roles reversed. Martha’s energy levels dropped, and with it, her ability to keep up with their usual pace of life. This was a shock to Tom’s system, but instead of getting frustrated, he took over some household chores, learned to slow down, and found peace in their new rhythm of life. Tom’s lesson for us? Patience isn’t just a virtue; it’s a lifesaver in times of change.

Sam & Julia: The Great Alcohol Exodus

Finally, there’s Sam. Now Sam, he liked his cold beers on a Friday night. But when his wife, Julia, hit perimenopause, things changed. Jules was experiencing intensified hot flashes, sleep disturbances, and her mood was a merry-go-round of highs and lows. And it seemed alcohol, particularly their beloved Friday & Saturday night ritual, was exacerbating these symptoms.

Sam saw the struggle Julia was going through and made a drastic decision. He decided to quit alcohol, together with Julia. No more Friday night beers, no more wine with dinner, no more celebratory champagne. Now, this was a big deal for Sam – a self-proclaimed ‘craft beer enthusiast.’ But the sight of Jules dealing with escalating symptoms while trying to navigate the choppy waters of perimenopause was enough to inspire this change.

Quitting wasn’t easy for Sam. He wrestled with cravings, and there were moments of temptation. But the thought of Julia wrestling her own far larger battle made him pale in comparison. Instead of clinking beer bottles on Friday nights, they started exploring new rituals. Movie nights, cooking exotic recipes together, taking long walks in the evening , these became their new shared experiences.

What happened? Julia’s symptoms didn’t magically disappear, but the intensity decreased noticeably. And as a surprising bonus, Sam found himself sleeping way better, feeling healthier, he lost 10lbs and had way more energy.

Sam’s case shows us that sometimes, supporting the women we love through perimenopause might mean making sacrifices, even substantial ones. But at the end of the day, it’s about recognizing the struggles they’re going through and stepping up to make their journey a little bit easier. And who knows? You might just find benefits you never anticipated. Cheers to that – with a glass of something alcohol free, of course!

Liam & Emma: Body Image Woes

And now, let’s share the tale of Liam and Emma. When perimenopause made its grand entrance into Emma’s life, it brought along some unexpected guests – weight gain and body image issues. Emma, who had always been really confident and comfortable in her own skin, began to feel alienated from her own body. She felt less attractive, less sexy, and had started dressing frumpy. Slowly this change was driving a wedge between Emma and Liam.

Liam, for his part, was puzzled. Emma was still the woman he loved – vivacious, smart, and beautiful. But he also realized that this wasn’t about his perception of Emma; it was about how Emma perceived herself.

Knowing words of assurance alone wouldn’t cut it, Liam swung into action. He suggested they take up activities together that would make Emma feel good about herself and her body. They began taking tango lessons, a dance Emma had always wanted to learn. The couple also started working out together, not with the objective of losing weight, but to feel healthier and more energetic.

Liam also made it a point to show Emma that she was desirable and loved. From leaving loving notes for her to find, to complimenting her genuinely, to simply being there when Emma needed to talk, Liam helped reinforce a positive body image in Emma.

Over time, Emma began to feel more comfortable and confident. She started feeling sexy again, dressing in her signature style (not frumpy), not because of any significant physical change, but because she felt loved, appreciated, and accepted for who she was.

Liam’s story serves as a reminder that during perimenopause, it’s not just about navigating mood swings and hot flashes. It’s also about addressing the deeper, often unspoken insecurities that women might face. It’s about helping them reclaim their confidence, their sense of self, their sense of desirability, one step at a time. So if you find yourself in Liam’s shoes, remember – a little empathy, creativity, and lots of love can go a long way.

Frank & Laura: Return of the Flame

Last but not least, let’s delve into the tale of Frank and Laura. With the onset of Laura’s perimenopause, they noticed a dramatic dip in Laura’s libido. This was tough for both of them. For Laura, because she felt out of sync with her own body. For Frank, it felt like an unexpected cold front in what was once a tropical paradise.

Frank didn’t sit back and bemoan the loss of their intimate times together. He took it upon himself to learn more about the impacts of perimenopause on libido. He realized from the conversations they had about this phase in Laura’s life, that this dip was not a reflection of their relationship or Laura’s attraction to him but was another symptom of the hormonal shifts she was experiencing.

He made an effort to be more open, patient, and understanding. Intimacy took on different forms, like cuddling, holding hands, or simply spending quality time together. Frank also encouraged Laura to discuss her concerns with her healthcare provider, who suggested some lifestyle changes and treatments that could help.

Gradually, with patience, understanding, and medical help, Laura’s libido did begin to resurface. It wasn’t an overnight miracle, but a slow and steady rekindling of their physical intimacy. They both found their way back to each other and rediscovered their intimate connection.

Frank’s story teaches us the importance of patience, understanding, and open-mindedness when navigating changes in libido during perimenopause. It reinforces the fact that love and intimacy are not defined solely by physical interactions but are also deeply rooted in emotional connection and understanding. So when the flame seems to dim, remember Frank’s story and know that with time, patience, and open communication, you too can rekindle the flame.

There you have it guys, real life tales from the perimenopausal trenches. Each story offers a valuable nugget of wisdom about supporting the women in your lives during this pivotal phase. Be it through active listening, adaptability, or just plain old patience, there are many ways to be a rock star supporter. Remember, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach here. It’s all about stepping up, pitching in, and figuring it out. Together.

Supporting your woman through perimenopause is about being an active participant in the journey, not a confused bystander. It’s not about donning a superhero cape and swooping in to save the day; it’s about stepping up, pitching in, and navigating the chaos. In this phase, empathy, patience, and understanding become your greatest allies. Remember that this is a time of significant change and adjustment for her, and your support can make the world of a difference. Whether it’s taking over some household chores, initiating heart-to-heart talks, or simply offering a comforting hug.


My Nugget Of Wisdom

You know how Tony Robbins always emphasizes the power of “being present and really listening“? He’s onto something. It’s exactly what you need to do when the woman in your life is dealing with perimenopause. Tony believes that deep, active listening is one of the greatest gifts you can give to someone.

It’s not about jumping in with solutions or advice, but about understanding their perspective and validating their feelings. So, when she’s sharing her experiences with you, put your ‘fix-it’ instincts aside, and just be there for her, attentively listening. Remember, your presence is more powerful than advice during these uneasy times for her.

How Alcohol Influences Mental Health During Perimenopause

You’re on the ball, guys! Knowing more about perimenopause is a step in the right direction to supporting the women in your life. Now, let’s up the ante. If you’re keen on understanding more, particularly how alcohol can influence mental health during perimenopause, I’ve got the scoop.

Click on the link to my post, ‘Unveiling the Truth Behind Alcohol’s Impact on Mental Health during Perimenopause.‘ It’s packed with insights that could really help you get a better grasp of the situation. Want to know more? Ready to dive in? Click below to get to the heart of alcohol’s impact on mental health during perimenopause.


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