Becoming A Fearless Single Mother By Choice

December 5, 2023

Dimple Sthankiya

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 I am on a mission to Revolutionize the Midlife Experience of Women, Everywhere.

I'm an Entrepreneur, a highly sought-after Coach and Wellness Expert. My favourite role in life is being a thriving Solo Mum to my wonderful son and like you, I am navigating Midlife and Perimenopause.

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Hi, I'm dimple

By following the advice in this post you will be empowered with the courage and determination to conquer the challenges of becoming a single mother by choice.


Can you picture yourself in your final trimester, healthily pregnant and on your way to becoming a solo mother? No longer having to be on the ‘dating treadmill’ and instead focusing on moving your life forwards. As you become a mother you finally feel like you have ‘arrived’ and your life is no longer unstuck. Or the BIG ones, you no longer feel so lonely, alone and seen as a ‘sad, childless singleton’ Finally, you have a channel for you to direct all the gorgeous love you have inside of yourself by becoming a single mother by choice.

So you’re about to or are seriously considering becoming a single mother by choice. I’ve been there. It’s a deeply personal headspace to be in and the final decision is yours to make.

Emboldened. Enlightened. Embraced. These are the traits that define the fearlessly single mother. You are architects of your destiny, curators of little lives bestowed upon you. It’s not a path adorned with rose petals or lit by a rainbow at every turn. But it is a journey worth every stride. A testament to love’s extraordinary power and I know, I became a single mother by choice on the day I became pregnant with my son in November 2016. It is the best decision I have ever made.

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Own Your Solo Motherhood Story

A solo mother’s narrative often comes with an uninvited guest: Stigma. Society says you are incomplete, labeling solo moms as an anomaly to the ‘conventional’ family structure. So, the first step towards fearless single motherhood? Own your narrative, reject the stigma.

You are the author of your own story. Wear the title of ‘solo mum’ like an armor, embrace its strength and transformative power. Single motherhood isn’t a sign of a missing piece, but a declaration of your desire to create, love, and nurture, on your own terms.

Believe You Can Do This As A Single Mom

Beneath the day-to-day logistics of raising a child or even children alone lies the critical foundation of self-belief. It’s the cornerstone of your emotional resilience. Self-belief is the seed that sprouts into the tree of resilience, bending but never breaking. It’s a fortress to safeguard against your doubts and fears, a sanctuary that echoes with the conviction: “I can do this.”

But how do you cultivate self-belief? Well, first up, start recognizing your strengths, honing them, and celebrating them. Each small triumph is a testament to your capability. From wrestling open a stubborn jar of pickles to managing a successful career, every achievement is an affirmation that you are powerful, capable, and strong.

Your Journey to Becoming A Solo Mom

No woman is an island, and neither should a single mother be. Your solo journey doesn’t mean you have to weather every storm alone. Seeking support isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a show of your strength, a testament to your ability to recognize when to ask for help. So never be shy about building your village. Surround yourself with like-minded souls, confidantes, and mentors who lift you, understand you, and stand by you. Start here at Voyage & Soap if you want. I’m building a community of like-minded women taking BIG steps forwards in their lives.

While the emotional journey is an epic voyage in itself, the practical challenges of solo motherhood are like a maze. Think fertility treatments, pregnancy solo, birthing, the fourth semester as a starting point and then there’s the bigger picture of finance, childcare, self-care and your career. 

Don’t let any of this daunt you. Think of it as your very own Rubik’s cube. Every twist and turn, every adjustment is a step closer to aligning all the colors. Every challenge you overcome, every problem you solve will add to your self-confidence as a mother. motherhood. I know it will.

Solo Motherhood: Fear vs Courage

The last thing standing between you and single motherhood is likely fear. I certainly harbored tonnes of fear and doubt. It’s a cunning opponent, fear, it loves weaving illusions of inadequacy, failure, and despair. But remember this, fear is the ghost that haunts an empty house. Your antidote? Courage. And courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s the decision to step forwards, despite the fear. It’s the leap of faith into the unknown. As Susan Jeffers says ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway.’

When Mr. Right Is Nowhere In Sight

Navigating modern dating can feel like soul destroying, with many dead ends and deceptive turns. It can leave you fatigued, frustrated, and disappointed. It did me. You’re looking for love, for your life long partner. For your elusive ‘Mr. Right.’ Yet, he remains a phantom, a mirage in the arid desert of unsuitable suitors.

This discontent isn’t a dead-end, though. In fact, it can be the spark that lights a different path for you: the path to single motherhood by choice. There’s an empowering shift that occurs when you consider this course, a transformative thought: ‘Why should I wait for Mr. Right to become a mom?’ It’s a bold reclamation of your narrative, a fierce assertion of your autonomy.

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WHEN MR. RIGHT IS NOWHERE IN SIGHT

Is it uncharted territory? Absolutely. Is it a path less traveled? Certainly. Yet, it’s a journey that liberates you from the chains of society’s expectations and tired dating tropes. This path gives you the freedom to carve out your own destiny, to create a family and become a mother, on your own terms, and at your pace.

So if you find yourself at the crossroads of dating disappointment and maternal yearning, remember, there is another way. Becoming a single mother by choice is not a concession; it’s NOT Plan B, it’s Plan A. It’s an assertion of your strength, an affirmation of your capacity to love and nurture, regardless of whether Mr. Right makes an appearance now or later or never. It’s a testament to your resilience, your resolve, and most importantly, your courage.

Navigating Fertility Treatments Solo

Choosing the path of single motherhood will inevitably lead you to another challenging adventure: the journey through the fertility process. From understanding your fertility status to selecting a sperm donor or considering adoption, it can be as mystifying as it is intimidating. And you’re doing it on your own, at least the big decisions. Though how empowering is that? I found it massively empowering as I made my way through the stepping stones of fertility treatments.

Fear not. This is a voyage you’re more than capable of steering. It’s not just about medical procedures and legal paperwork. It’s about embracing a crucial part of your journey towards solo motherhood that adds more depth to your resilience.

Understanding your fertility is the first step. It’s about engaging in a conversation with your body, understanding its rhythms and secrets. Consult fertility specialists, learn about your options, and listen to your body’s signals. This dialogue isn’t always comfortable, but it’s crucial. It gives you power, control, and confidence in your journey.

Selecting a sperm donor or considering adoption may feel daunting, but remember, this process is about making choices that resonate with your vision of motherhood. It’s about considering the physical traits, medical history, or the nurturing environment you desire for your future child. The choice is incredibly personal, and there’s no right or wrong path, only the path that feels right for you.

I chose my donor on the basis of a number of factors: who am I naturally attracted to and what are those traits?; I wanted someone who didn’t smoke, was healthy and had a vision for their life;  Also I needed to know why they had chosen the path to becoming a donor; and the last one going on my gut instinct. I remember doing it alone on a Saturday night at home with some delicious food and wine and being very intentional with it. I was on a date with myself and my future donor.

And by the way, the fertility process isn’t just a means to an end. It’s an integral part of your solo motherhood journey. It’s a testament to your commitment, your determination, and the lengths you’re willing to go to bring life into the world. 

When I started my IVF fertility treatment solo I had to inject myself multiple times over ten days to stimulate my eggs maturing and releasing was one of the hardest things I have had to do. Firstly I am terrified of needles and injections. No doubt about that. And it wasn’t comfortable or easy and I remember asking myself a dozen times why I was doing this. But I knew the answer. I would have done anything to become a mother. The feeling was visceral. 

It’s a chapter of your love bubbling away inside you, ready to be shared with your future child or even children. A few of my friends followed this path recently and they had twins!

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ARE YOU FEELING AUDACIOUS & READY TO BECOME A THRIVING SOLO MOM?

Pregnancy As A Single Mother By Choice

Congratulations, you’re pregnant! Now begins an exciting journey, one that’s uniquely yours. As a solo expectant mother, you’ll face moments of joy, challenges, and an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. Here’s how to navigate and relish this incredible journey.

First off, pat yourself on the back. Take a moment, or a thousand, to acknowledge this milestone. You’ve navigated the complex world of fertility and emerged triumphant. The life growing inside you is a reflection of your strength and determination.

Next up is self-care. As a solo mother-to-be, you are the star of your own show. Prioritize your health and wellbeing. Eat nutritiously, stay active, rest a lot and whenever you need  and keep up with your prenatal appointments. These steps ensure not just your baby’s health, but your own, setting the stage for a smoother pregnancy and delivery.

As a long time yoga and meditation teacher I of course practiced these two gems, but it was sooooo different cos my headspace, my energy and my body were evolving. I was transforming before my very own eyes. 

Picture this: You’re pregnant. Your body’s doing the hokey-pokey and your mind’s doing the cha-cha-cha. Enter pregnancy yoga. It’s the magical ‘pause’ button for your rollercoaster of a ride. It’s like a gentle masseuse for that stubborn backache, a mindfulness guru whispering ‘you got this’ into your ears, and a personal trainer prepping you for the marathon (read: childbirth). Yoga in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters isn’t just about surviving the baby bump blues; it’s about thriving, feeling empowered and downright amazing. So, lace up your yoga pants, and find your baby zen!

Also it is so key to embrace your support system. Whether it’s friends, family, or a community of other mothers and mothers-to-be, don’t shy away from seeking help or advice. Remember, you are solo, not alone. Here in the UK we have the NCT (National Childbirth Trust) that groups women due to give birth around the same time and living close to each other into a set of pre-parenting classes. I found these really helpful and it was great being with other women (none of whom were solo) all going through the same concerns and having a shared experience.  Getting together with other mothers to be solo or otherwise is a great way of preparing.

Expect moments of doubt and worry. That’s natural, for every parent, even for couples. When these moments come, remind yourself of your strength and your journey so far. You’ve faced challenges and you’ve overcome them. This is no different.

Vulnerability Is Not Winning Or Losing; It’s Having The Courage To Show Up And Be Seen When We Have No Control Over The Outcome. Vulnerability Is Not Weakness, It’s Our Greatest Measure Of Courage.

Brene Brown

Finally, celebrate. You are doing something incredible, something brave. Enjoy the anticipation, the first kicks, the baby shower, the nesting, heck even your babymoon. Mine was wonderful, five days in the Mallorcan countryside doing yoga, having massages, practicing yoga for pregnancy, eating delicious nutritious food and hanging out with beautiful souls. Make memories. Write letters to your future child. Create a space for them in your home and your heart. This journey is yours. Make it unforgettable.

One Woman’s Journey To Solo Motherhood

Meet Liv, a vivacious 42-year-old from Chelsea, London. She’s sparkly, always traveling, always full of life and was happy in her career as a lawyer. But beneath her vibrant facade, Liv had a ticking time bomb, her biological clock. And let’s just say, it wasn’t whispering tick-tock, it was belting out the countdown like a seasoned opera singer at the Royal Albert Hall.

Liv had a dream. She’d always imagined herself as a mom. She envisioned reading bedtime stories, messy breakfasts, taming tantrums and endless cuddles. But alas, her Mr. Right seemed to have lost his way in London’s busy streets. She was stuck swiping left in the dating loop, the same old merry-go-round of unsuitable men, uninspiring dates, and unmet expectations.

One day, Liv decided enough was enough. She threw the dating rulebook out of her Chelsea apartment window and marched straight into the Lister Fertility Clinic. With her head held high and her biological clock finally singing in harmony, Liv was ready to face the music.

The fertility process was not a walk in Hyde Park, but more of a sprint in the London Marathon. There were tests, there were choices, and there were moments of disappointment and heartbreak when the first two IUIs didn’t work, and a whole lot of uncertainty. But each time she felt overwhelmed, Liv would remind herself, “If I can survive the London dating scene, I can survive this!”

And survive, she did. Olivia tackled every fertility challenge with the tenacity of a true Londoner during a tube strike. Choosing a sperm donor was like online dating, but this time, she was selecting genetic traits instead of scrolling through painfully cliched dating profiles.

After switching to IVF the day came on a cold spring morning when the pregnancy test showed two lines, and Olivia felt a rush of pure joy. She was going to be a mum! No more disappointing dates, no more waiting for Mr. Right. She was on her path to solo motherhood.

Not All A Bed Of Roses

Pregnancy brought its share of ups and downs, cravings and mood swings, but Liv relished every bit. Her friends and family threw her the most fabulous baby shower. There were laughs, tears, and heartwarming speeches. Olivia was radiant, proud, and soooo excited about becoming a mom.

But despite her outward confidence, Liv also had her moments of doubt and insecurity. The nights often brought questions: ‘Am I doing the right thing? Can I do this alone? Will I be enough for my child?’ ‘What about money, my career?’ She fretted about sleepless nights, about balancing her career with a baby, and about the vacuum where she’d imagined a daddy would be.

She worried about how society would perceive her, and if her child would resent her for the unconventional family setup. Amidst the excitement of impending motherhood, these fears sometimes cast long shadows on Liv’s heart, making her journey a bittersweet mix of anticipation and apprehension.

Now, Liv’s a proud mom to a beautiful and healthy baby girl. She’s swapped her champagne glasses for baby bottles, her late-night parties for late-night feeds. And guess what? She wouldn’t change it for the world.

Olivia’s journey from Chelsea single life to Solo Motherhood is a story of courage, resilience, and the immense desire to become a mom. It’s a testament to the fact that when it comes to motherhood, there’s no one-size-fits-all. 

You Are Not Alone

Remember this. You are not alone. Across the world today, countless women already have and are continuing to embrace this journey of becoming a single mother by choice. 

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Remember this. You are not alone. Across the world today, countless women already have and are continuing to embrace this journey of becoming a single mother by choice. 

My Nugget Of Wisdom

Here’s a quote from Brene Brown that I found inspiring as a solo mom by choice and to this day I think it sets the scene perfectly: “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.

As someone considering becoming a Single Mother By Choice, you’re daring greatly by embracing the vulnerability of the unknown. It’s scary, yes, but it’s also an act of immense courage. Remember, you’re stepping into the arena, not knowing the outcome, but you’re there, showing up for your future child or even children and yourself. 

Can You Picture Becoming A Mother?

You, glowing with health in your final trimester, ready and excited to embrace motherhood. You’ve stepped off the dating treadmill and moved forward towards the life you want. Done with the label of the ‘sad, childless singleton’, you’re prepared for a new identity: Solo Mother.

Whether you’re certain about this path or just exploring, our Program ‘PREPARE FOR SOLO MOTHERHOOD & THRIVE‘ is tailored for you. Pre-book before the Program launches on 1st MAY 2024 for a generous 20% early bird discount. This course will equip you with the necessary tools to navigate the challenges of solo motherhood and thrive. No more loneliness. No more feeling stuck. Get started on your journey towards motherhood. The time is now.

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